hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
