VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
