is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
