Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
