I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
