Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
