dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
