He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
