He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize