plz talk dirty to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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