now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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