dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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