Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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