guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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