just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
