my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
