They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
