yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
