is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
