we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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