I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
