remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
