I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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