Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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