I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
