I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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