oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
