I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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