Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
