So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
