sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
