I haven't been this sober since birth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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