fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
