in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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