i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
