so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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