I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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