I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
