I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
