I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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