You're so nebulous sometimes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
