i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your cock deserves a montage
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
