break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
