Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
