Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
