I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
