I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
