I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
