she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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