Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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