question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
