That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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