I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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