mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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