Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
