halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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