she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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