I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
