I think I won the penis lottery.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
