you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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