Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
