too bad you live with your parents still
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize