Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
