two words...techno handjob
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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