Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
