Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
