I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
